It was a rainy Monday morning when we arrived at the doctors office. I was anxious to get the ultrasound done. We quickly fed our parking meter and walked into the building. Before entering the doors of the doctors office, I took a deep breath and said a quick prayer. That day our doctor was behind schedule. Our wait was extra long…which ended up making me even more anxious. When we were finally taken back to our room we realized that our parking meter would be up in 10 minutes (that’s how behind the doctors were that day). My hubby ran down to add more money and in that short time our doctor came in to do the ultrasound. He searched for the heartbeat and by the look on his face I could tell something was wrong. He told me that there was no longer a heartbeat. My heart sunk. I was speechless. My hubby came back into the room and the doctor gave him the news. We lost our little babe. While sitting in the chair I blocked out the conversation that was going on between hubby and the doctor. All I could think about was how this baby would not arrive this October and how I will not have the opportunity to hold this baby in my arms. I wished we would have announced our pregnancy to everyone. We did not get a chance to celebrate this babes life with everyone to the extent I wish we had. The doctor got my attention and told me my options to pass the mass:
A. let it happen naturally
B. he would refer me to get the pill that would make my uterus contract
C. I could schedule an appointment for a D&C.
I knew that I did not want to wait for it to naturally pass. I wanted to have some control of it so I could be home with Dallas when it happened. We chose option B. He gave me the referral, gave me the statistics on miscarriages, said he was sorry, told me that being young & healthy we should get pregnant again soon and off we went. I held myself together until we got into the car. We sat there for a moment, gathered ourselves and decided to go on a lunch date to celebrate our short time with the babe in my belly. All I could talk about at lunch was the pregnancy loss. It was therapeutic for me to keep discussing what happened and how I was feeling that day. My hubby sat there graciously and listened to me ramble on and on. I probably repeated myself 1000 times during our little lunch date. When I had enough composure, I called our families to let them know what happened. It was hard to share the news with them as this was going to be the first grandbaby/niece or nephew. They were saddened but were a great support system. The next few days were difficult for me. I had moments of sadness, grief, confusion and wanting answers. I had to keep reminding myself that this situation was out of my control and that there was nothing that I could have done to change/fix it.
And this experience is one reason why I am doing this blog. Pregnancy is usually not announced until after 13 weeks because of the chances of miscarriage. In my opinion, this makes miscarriages not talked about enough. Every baby should be celebrated even if it only lasts 4, 5, 8 weeks. I want there to be a community where women can turn to to get support when going through this. It happens more than you know. If you feel comfortable, please share your story.